Academic Writing Examples Commentaries, Cambridge IELTS
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Example Writing Answers for the ieltshelpnow.com Academic
Practice Tests
Below you will ind example writing answers for all the writing questions in the ieltshelpnow.com
Academic Practice Tests. Some of these example essays were written by IELTS students and
some were written by an IELTS examiner in order to give an example of a good answer. Please
refer to the question papers while you are reading these answers so that you understand the
question that is being answered. After each of the example answers, an IELTS examiner has
written a short commentary analysing the good and bad points of the answer. We hope this will
give you an insight into how the writing answers should be written for IELTS Academic module.
Academic Writing Practice Test 1
Task 1
In this report I will describe a bar chart that shows the estimated world illiteracy rates by
gender and region for the year 2000.
First I will look at male illiteracy for the 6 areas shown. The lowest rates were in Developed
Countries, Latin America/Caribbean and East Asia/Oceania with rates of 1% (approximately),
10% and 8% (approximately) respectively. The rates for the next three areas were much
higher and quite similar to each other. Sub-Saharan Africa, the Arab States and South Asia
had rates of approximately 31%, 29% and 34%.
Female illiteracy was much higher relatively in each area except Latin America/Caribbean
where it was only slightly higher. The lowest rates for female illiteracy were again Developed
Countries, Latin America/Caribbean and East Asia/Oceania with rates of approximately 2%,
12% and 20%. Again the rates for the next three areas were much higher and quite similar to
each other. Sub-Saharan Africa, the Arab States and South Asia had rates of approximately
48%, 52% and 56%.
This ends my report.
(168 words)
Estimated IELTS Writing Band 9
Commentary on the above answer.
This letter was written by an IELTS examiner to give an example of a good answer. Please
remember that there are other ways of approaching this question that are just as good.
The Academic Task 1 Writing is marked in 3 areas. Let’s look at these.
Task Fulilment
This mark grades you basically on whether you have answered the question or
not. To answer this question correctly the examiner looks to see whether a report has been written
which wholly describes the bar chart with appropriate, accurate detail. Because there is not a lot
of information on the bar chart, an appropriate amount of detail here would be all the igures for all
the areas for males and females. Looking above we see a report has been produced and that all
the detail required is there and it is all accurate. The word limit has also been achieved. This would
mean a good task fulilment band.
Cohesion and Coherence
These two are interrelated which is why they are done together.
Cohesion is how your writing its together. Does your writing with its ideas and content low
logically? Coherence is how you are making yourself understood and whether the reader of your
writing understands what you are saying. To start with the structure helps cohesion. There is a
small introductory paragraph saying what the report is about and there is a short closing sentence
to inish the report. In between there are 2 paragraphs, one for male illiteracy and the second
for female illiteracy. This is a good approach to describing this bar chart. The report also has
good cohesion linguistically. It is sometimes dificult when writing these types of report with lots
of numerical detail to make sure that the reader always understands which detail refers to which
relevant item. Here the writer only describes 3 areas at a time and uses
respectively
to make
clear the order. The coherence in the report is also very good. The reader notices bad coherence
when he has to stop because he cannot understand what has been written for any reason. This
report can be read straight through without stopping. The sentences are short and clear and
none of the information is muddled or disorganised. The good grammar, word choices, structure
and punctuation all help to giving the report good coherence. This report would get a very good
cohesion and coherence band.
Vocabulary and Sentence Structure
With Vocabulary the examiner looks at the range of words
used and whether they are used in the right place and at the right time. With Sentence Structure,
the examiner looks at the grammar. The word choices in this report are good. All the vocabulary is
clear, used in the right way and spelled correctly. The grammar is also good. All the verb forms are
accurate and all the other grammar is correctly used. The report would get a very good Vocabulary
and Sentence Structure band.
Task 2
What young people should study at school has long been the subject of intense debate and
this is a question that certainly does not have one correct answer.
We need to provide young people the best possible chance of doing well at school. In
traditional curriculum there is a wide variety of subjects with a mix of academic and non-
academic subjects. In this way a young person is formed with a rounded education. Non-
academic subjects would include sports, cooking, woodwork and metalwork. I believe this is
the best form of education. A young person should learn things other than academic subjects.
Sport is particularly important. Young people have to learn to love sport so that they can be
it and healthy later in life. If not we will be raising an obese and unit generation.
I totally understand the point of view that education is so important that students must be
pushed as hard as possible to achieve their best. It sounds a good idea to only expose the
students to academic subjects as then they can spend all of their school hours on studying
areas that will get them into university and good jobs later in life. I just feel a more rounded
education would produce a better individual. We must remember too that a lot of people,
maybe even most people, aren‛t academically minded and would beneit more from a more
vocationally based education. Forcing academic studies onto them would lead to failure and
the student leaving school too early.
Therefore I agree that although a wholly academic curriculum would suit and beneit
some young people, I believe that for most students non-academic subjects are important
inclusions still in today‛s syllabuses.
(283 words)
Estimated IELTS Writing Band 9
This essay was written by an IELTS examiner to give an example of a good answer. Please
remember that there are other ways of approaching this question that are just as good.
The Academic Task 2 Writing is marked in 3 areas. Let’s look at these.
Arguments, Ideas and Evidence
This band grades the essay on its content, how it structures
its ideas and backs up the ideas with examples. When you look at the above essay, you are irst
struck by how the it is set out with the paragraphs. Firstly there is a short introduction. Then there
are 2 paragraphs that provide the ideas and evidence on both sides of the question of the essay
with the writer starting to put forward his point of view. Finally there is a conclusion where the
question is answered by the writer with his point of view. The writer examines both sides of the
argument and shows that it is not an issue that is black or white. The minimum word limit of 250
words has also been passed so that is not a problem. All these things would lead to a good band
for Arguments, Ideas and Evidence.
Communicative Quality
This mark grades the candidate on how easily the reader understands
the essay. This depends on accuracy in grammar, punctuation and vocabulary, as bad grammar,
punctuation and vocabulary will cause a breakdown in communication. Other things affecting
communication would be structure, linking words, prepositions and agreements. The paragraphing
is the irst thing that helps the communicative quality. As said above the paragraphing is very good.
It splits the essay up into easy-to-read chunks and separates the ideas of the essay into these
chunks. The grammar, punctuation and vocabulary are all very good and all the linking words,
prepositions and agreements are all correctly used. The Communicative Quality in this essay
therefore is very good.
Vocabulary and Sentence Structure
With Vocabulary the examiner looks at the range of
words used and whether they are used in the right place and at the right time. With Sentence
Structure, the examiner looks at the grammar. As pointed out in the section above, the Vocabulary
and Sentence Structure are very good. All word usage is correctly used and spelt correctly. The
grammar is all error free and the punctuation is good. The Vocabulary and Sentence Structure
band would be very good.
Academic Writing Practice Test 2
Task 1
The chart shows unemployed spend their time in many different things. In the morning
19% men do housework with 49% women. In the afternoon this number is only 7% and 21%
for housework. 20% of men and 26% of women shop in the morning but only 9% of men and
17% of women shop in the afternoon. For job hunting 22% of men and 16% of women do it
in the morning and 12% of men and 13% of women in the afternoon. 6% of men and 10% of
women visiting friends or relatives in the morning and 12% of men and 17% of women do it
in the afternoon. These four activities are the most popular. There are others with smaller
percentages: gardening, watching TV, reading, decorating, walking, doing nothing or sitting
around, staying in bed, visiting town, playing sport and drinking. Drinking is the least popular
activity looking at the igures overall with only 2% of men and 1% of women doing it on the
morning and 3% of men and 1% of women doing it in the afternoon.
(181 words)
Estimated IELTS Writing Band 7
IELTS Examiner Commentary
This letter was written by a Chinese IELTS student in the middle of an IELTS practice course.
The Academic Task 1 Writing is marked in 3 areas. Let’s look at these.
Task Fulilment
This mark grades you basically on whether you have answered the question
or not. To answer this question correctly the examiner looks to see whether a report has been
written which wholly describes the chart with appropriate, accurate detail. In this chart there is a
large amount of detail and with only 150 words the examiner would not expect to see every single
igure quoted. The examiner would look to ind the most important details and a few describing
the general trends. Firstly I would not say that this is a great report as there is no introductory or
inishing sentence. The report isn’t too bad at all though in terms of detail. It outlines the four most
popular activities and speciies the percentage for both men and women for the mornings and the
afternoons. The other activities are listed with only the last one having percentages. This, I feel,
is an appropriate amount of detail for a report on this chart. It could have been slightly better. The
gardening igures for men were quite high and TV was watched a lot in the afternoon. There is also
no general comparison between men and women. As far as accuracy goes, all the detail quoted is
correct. It’s only a 150 word report though and you can’t put too much detail in. This report would
get a reasonably good Task Fulilment band.
Cohesion and Coherence
These two are interrelated which is why they are done together.
Cohesion is how your writing its together. Does your writing with its ideas and content low
logically? Coherence is how you are making yourself understood and whether the reader of your
writing understands what you are saying. Firstly the structure of this report is not good. As pointed
out earlier, there is no introductory or inishing sentence. The writing is all in one lump with no
paragraphing. Paragraphing can really help cohesion and coherence by allowing the writer to
divide up separate parts of the report and so make it easier to read and understand. Apart from
that the cohesion isn’t bad. The sentences are short and clear and the progression of ideas is
logical following the order of the chart. As a result of the reasonable cohesion, the coherence
isn’t too bad either. It’s a bit dificult to read as it’s all 1 paragraph and some expressions are a bit
awkward but these are the only things that makes the coherence dificult. This report would get a
reasonable cohesion and coherence band.
Vocabulary and Sentence Structure
With Vocabulary the examiner looks at the range of words
used and whether they are used in the right place and at the right time. With Sentence Structure,
the examiner looks at the grammar. The vocabulary in this report isn’t too bad though there are a
couple of obvious errors: (
in many different things; make housework
). The grammar is mostly
good though again with some noticeable slips. A lot of the verbs are in the present tense when
describing the past but the chart is from 1982. Verbs describing the chart are ine in the present
tenses as the chart exists now (ie:
The chart shows
– the chart exists in the present so the
present simple here is ine). But when referring to the activities in the past, the past tenses must
be used (
Unemployed spend their time; women shop in the morning
– These verbs refer to
1982 so the verbs should be
spent
and
shopped
).
The
is also missed out several times and there
is one other verb tense problem from probably copying too much from the chart (
6% of men and
10% of women visiting friends
). Apart from these areas, the grammar is OK and the report would
get a quite good Vocabulary and Sentence Structure band.
Task 2
The animal experimentation is very diicult issue with a lots of people feeling very strongly of
it, we are use the animals for the experimentation in diferent way, one of most big problem
is for test the cosmetics, the images of animals with things put in there eyes for so we are
able to look a bit better make many people very angry. Is it necessary. The companies such as
the body shop said that they do not experiment on animals and they produce good cosmetics
who make money, I am not agree that making the cosmetics that make our faces better does
not mean the animals must suffering in terrible ways, it does not seem moral for me. On the
other hand we also use the animals for test the new drugs. Without these new drugs people
die and suffer when they need not, some of the people believe that the animals should not
suffer and die so that we can avoid it, I am not agree here, these people will change the
minds when it is they who are die or one of their children, it is sad that the animals have to
suffer for this thing but here I believe that the suffering is justify. Is there alternative
to the animal experimentation. I‛m not expert but I dont think so, the monkeys are most
near biology animals and without test to them, we cannot sure of affects of the new drugs,
we test on humans also but only when we know the drugs not a problem to us, the testing on
humans without the tests on the animals could make the tragedies. So in conclusion I do not
believe that the animal testing is justify for not esential things but for esential things I
believe that there is not choice and it is justify.
(307 words)
Estimated IELTS Writing Band 6
IELTS Examiner Commentary
This essay was written by a Pakistani IELTS student studying in the UK.
The Academic Task 2 Writing is marked in 3 areas. Let’s look at these.
Arguments, Ideas and Evidence
This band grades the essay on its content, how it structures
its ideas and backs up the ideas with examples. First of all this essay is not set out as an essay
should be. It is all together in one big lump that shows a lack of organisation. Apart from that
though the essay is relevant to the question and has good ideas with examples to back them up.
This essay would get a quite good band for Arguments, Ideas and Evidence.
Communicative Quality
This mark grades the candidate on how easily the reader understands
the essay. This depends on accuracy in structure, grammar, punctuation and vocabulary, as
bad grammar, punctuation and vocabulary will cause a breakdown in communication. The worst
problem affecting the Communicative Quality is the lack of organisation in the structure. The
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